


And I'm a damn coward

by Ivaylo



Series: Glimmer [9]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: A bit of fear, Awkwardness, F/M, Pre-Relationship, a bit of pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-10 08:38:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15945719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ivaylo/pseuds/Ivaylo
Summary: Jyn reflects upon her feelings for Cassian.





	And I'm a damn coward

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Firs Aid Kit's song "The Lion's Roar"

 

The grease of the past mission runs down Jyn’s skin and disappears in the sink. Her entire body aches when she leans down to scrub away the dried mud splatters on her shins. She actually somewhat likes the pain. At least here in the safety of Cassian’s quarters. Away from troopers, mercenaries and fools who underestimate her. This sensation of being alive.  
Between their last mission and spending time together Cassian had offered her to use is private refresher, since his higher rank gives him the luxury of an all in one sonic and water based ‘fresher.

Jyn hadn’t plant to do use it. Although he offered, it felt like overstepping to Jyn. But the last mission had been bad.  
All too close and when she finally was back at base the idea of using one of the communal showers was worse than overstepping or facing Cassian. Not that she minded facing him.  
  
Jyn minded a lot about him. His hair, soft, dark and a bit too long. The way his lips were formed, which reminded her a bit of a wave. His smile, the shinying in his eyes when he talks about a very specific droid part that he had worked on the past night.  
Just everything about Cassian.

Jyn let her head fall back with a sigh. The warm droplets didn’t really help to wash away the memories of the times Cassian had touched her. Either accidently or on purpose.

  
Weirdly enough it hadn’t been Chirrut for once who caught her. It had been Baze. His dissembled gun in his lap he had noticed her watching Cassian navigating their ship through hyperspace.

“Little sister.” He had huffed. “Showing your emotions doesn’t make you vulnerable, it’s a thing of bravery.”

  
As if it was that easy.  
This wasn’t easy. Jyn didn’t know if Cassian longed for her the way she did. There were moments in which she hoped.  
But then the fear returned.  
Cassian was her friend, her partner, her home. Yes, there were Bodhi, Chirrut, Baze and even Kay, but Jyn feared if she’d take a step forward and he’d reject her, she wouldn’t be able to stick around the rebellion anymore.

Frustrated with the situation she turned off the water and stepped out of the shower into the misty ‘fresher room. With quick and trained moves she dried herself up and slipped into the clean set of clothes she had put next to the ‘fresher cabin, before entering it.  
Jyn’s hair was still wet when she picked up the pile of her dirty clothes, stiff from the dried mud and blood, and slipped out of the room, right into Cassian who was just walking into his quarters.

They both tense and Jyn almost drops the clothes , before their eyes meet.  
He is too close.  
Are his quartes that small or did he step towards her? Did she step towards him?

 

“Hey.” Jyn starts.

“Hey” Cassian replies and his faces lights a bit up. The dark circles under his eyes seem to vanish as he continues.  
  
“So – you’re back.”

“Yeah. Was just going to...” she lets her free hand flop down. “Leave.”

  
Jyn doesn’t move. Because Cassian doesn’t move. He looks at her staying where he had been. Cassian stayed.

 

Shit! She fists her hands until her fingernails dig into her palm. Jyn you’re a damn coward, but then she looks at Cassian. How he nervously wipes his hand on his trousers, maybe he is a coward, too.


End file.
